Thursday, July 3, 2014

all the while He was working...

We found 3 little girls. All with the same agency. All with different special needs. All incredibly adorable. All needing a Mama and Daddy. Next their agency. It was a Friday morning, so I left a message and waited...and waited...didn't hear from anyone all day! So...had to wait until Monday to finally get some more information on these sweet girls. All weekend we had talked about the what-ifs...possible outcomes...what their needs would entail. We discussed the possibility of getting two of them. It was a CRAZY weekend! If you have ever taken a pregnancy test- it felt just like that...but for 3 DAYS!!! Wondering if one of these could be our sweet girl! Monday afternoon, I finally got a phone call from a super awesome girl in the waiting child department. She knew ALL about these little girls! She shared with me pros, cons, concerns, and possible outcomes...information overload! It’s such a heartbreaking and surreal feeling to be looking at a collection of about 10 pictures (which is more than what most orphans have) and a bunch of medical notes describing a child. Those documents and pictures are the only thing they have to represent who they are. When I think of how I knew my boys by the time they were the ages of these darling girls were, I could have filled up 10,000 pages of notes about them. These girls only had 10. When Jason got home that night and we finally had the boys in bed, we sat down to begin to go through the information we had been sent. We were nervous and excited and scared...craziness. So, as we were finishing looking through the files the question was posed...”Could one of these girl’s be our daughter? Do you feel as though one of them could fit into your family?” And, without a moment’s hesitation we both said, “Yes!”...strangely enough the little girl we thought we could care for were two separate little girls! Jason knew immediately that we had found her...I felt extremely drawn to the same child as well (and you will soon see why!), but I was so scared and fearful of her disabilities, her prognosis, and whether or not I was enough to be able to care for her! She was older than we thought she would be. Her disability was not one we had considered. There were so many unknowns. Lots to process. So, we spent a very long and emotional night of discussing and praying and discussing some more. Jason, in his matter of fact way, said. “Liz, you need to answer two questions. #1 ‘Is she our girl?’ and #2 ‘Are you ready to fight for her?’...while you’re figuring out your answers, I’m going to bed...I already know mine.” Seriously! This was one of those moments when I was reminded of why, and so very grateful God gave him to me...he led me in my doubt by his faith.
As I went to bed that night, my mind was swirling 100 miles an hour! But as I laid down the Lord brought something to my mind. Dates. I had been given advice to write down dates and prayers and specific times through this process that seemed important, impactful. God reminded me that night as I lay in my bed that the time this sweet little girl was born, and left on a river bank at 15 days old was when I attended a conference with my closest friends. It was there that He wrecked my heart for the cause of the orphan, and put the calling on my life and the life of my family to be a part of the solution. He then brought to my mind 2 very difficult weeks in mid-July of 2013...knowing that God had put this calling on my heart and praying and asking for God to change my heart’s desire for adoption or to reveal to Jason that this was what He had called us to. It was a season of learning and leaning on the intercession of the Spirit on my behalf- knowing the groaning and aching of my heart. This was the time this beautiful little girl was taken from a wonderful American run foster group home, and returned to her orphanage in a very rural and poor area of China. All the while He was working....working on me...working on our family....preparing us for her.

I had a choice to make...would my faith in His calling be enough?

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