Monday, July 7, 2014

fear's grip...

I was awoken very early the next morning, hardly able to breathe. Gripped in fear. What were we thinking? We can’t do this! It’s just too much! Surgery...therapy...I wrestled for a few minutes...settled our youngest son, who was sick with a tummy bug, and finally fell back asleep. As a disclaimer, some of you may think this next part is crazy...I probably would have if I was reading it myself, just bear with me. When I fell back asleep I had the most vivid and real dream. Jason and I were sitting on the couch in our living room with his Dad. (Many of you know we lost Jason’s dad in March of this year to cancer and Alzheimer’s). In my dream, he was more lucid that I honestly can ever remember Him being in conversation. He began to talk to us about fear. He began to share with us that when we are rooted and established in our faith the Enemy does all he can to plant doubts and fears in our hearts and minds when God has called us to something. He told us the importance of hiding God’s Word in our hearts, so that we can draw on its truth during times of doubt. He said, “When you leave this house he will whisper lies to you. Telling you that you don’t know who you are or where you should be going! Those are the times you have to rely on your knowledge of God’s Word. Speak it to him, and he will have to flee.” At this point...he was preaching to us! Those of you who knew Kit, know that of all of the things he loved, God’s Word was what he loved most. When he began to be more and more effected by his dementia, and then cancer, Jason questioned and struggled so much with understanding why someone who had devoted so much of his memory and mind to Scripture would be allowed to just loose it all! I can’t really explain it other than to just say that the way that Kit spoke to us in that dream, he was reassuring us that it was the Enemy that had taken his memory, his mind. This, for some reason, had never occurred to us before. It provided so much encouragement and closure for us in that way. I woke up, totally believing the dream had actually happened- it was that real. I realized what a two-fold gift the dream had been- and I believe it was straight up "Old Testament", from the Lord!
I had been reminded that my God is not the source of fears. That He is enough, and so I am enough. That fear is a lie from the Enemy attempting to keep me from my calling. But, also I felt that this was an answer to this question in Jason’s heart and mind. God was not the author of his Dad’s was the result of his incredible faith and the threat it was to the Enemy. His illness was spiritual warfare.
I laid in my bed and wept in total awe that the God I serve is that personal. When we need Him and the reassurance and peace only He can bring...He will meet us. He loves us so dearly.

It was that morning, with a tear stained face, and a scared, but excited and grateful heart that I found the answer to my two questions...
Yes, she’s our girl.
Yes, I’m ready to fight for her.

...the place that is the beginning of God's glory being multiplied...

May it be so, in our lives...
and in the life of this precious one He has chosen us to love.

No comments:

Post a Comment